so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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