Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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