I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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