Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
