Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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