wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
