mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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