So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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