i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
