Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
