Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
