I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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