I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize