garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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