so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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