He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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