You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
