dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
