no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
