when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
