My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
