There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Randomize
