I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
