Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
