3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
