how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
