So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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