I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I love you.
Bad choice
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
