I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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