Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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