It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
