a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
