You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Im part way to drunk.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
