Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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