just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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