They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
