Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
