there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Randomize
