If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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