I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
