So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
