so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
