He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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