god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Girls should come with a carfax report
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
