what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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