If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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