in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
