i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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