i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
