So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
