I can't watch pbs sober anymore
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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