it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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