Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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