So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Shame - the story of my life.
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