And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
