Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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