i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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