3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
