I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
