I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
