dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
