Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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