Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
