After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
